The Courage for Productive Conflict
In the early 1980s, during the development of the original Macintosh, Steve Jobs faced significant internal resistance towards one of its key features. Many Apple employees and managers were skeptical of Jobs’s vision for a user-friendly, graphical interface computer. Initially, Jobs sought consensus and aimed to please various stakeholders. However, he soon realized that achieving the breakthrough he envisioned required asserting his vision more forcefully, even at the risk of creating conflict.
Jobs adopted a more confrontational approach, setting high standards and urging his team to innovate beyond their comfort zones. This often resulted in intense debates and clashes, but Jobs believed that embracing productive discomfort was essential for true innovation. His unwavering resolve ultimately revolutionized the computer industry, with the Macintosh’s user-friendly graphical interface setting new benchmarks for personal computing.
This approach underscores a vital professional skill: distress tolerance. Distress tolerance is the ability to withstand uncomfortable feelings instead of avoiding them. A common source of distress in our daily lives is interpersonal conflict.
One of the biggest indicators of whether early professionals will succeed through the trials of professional work—building effective teams, managing interpersonal dynamics, and handling group projects—is their ability to manage stress and tension. Poor stress tolerance can be a significant barrier to professional growth because it limits your ability to work through productive conflict.
When I started my career, I had poor distress tolerance. As a people pleaser, conflict made me uncomfortable. This discomfort hindered my ability to advocate for important matters in my work. Even when I was confident in my position, my inability to tolerate the stress of conflict often led me to yield to those more willing to endure discomfort.
In the workplace, even if you have the better argument in a situation, you may lose out to someone who can better tolerate the stress involved in discussing it. If the other person is more willing to endure conflict and discomfort, they’ll get their way. This dynamic is particularly detrimental in team projects and roles involving significant amounts of subjectivity and decision-making.
It’s easy to believe that tension and conflict are inherently negative. That stress and distress are synonymous with toxicity. This isn’t true. If we are to do work that matters and is important, it will inevitably involve some level of stress and passion, which will almost always lead to some levels of conflict. Recognizing that enduring discomfort and tension is necessary for growth and resilience is a crucial step in professional development. Avoiding this discomfort means constantly ceding ground to those who handle difficult situations better and never allowing ourselves to learn to handle high-intensity situations.
Building distress tolerance involves gradually exposing ourselves to uncomfortable situations and learning to manage our responses. This doesn't mean seeking out conflict for its own sake but not shying away from it when it's necessary for progress.
Reflect and Identify Meaningful Conflicts:
Think about past situations where you wish you had been more assertive. Identify the types of issues or decisions at work that truly matter to you and understand what motivates you to take action. Knowing what battles are worth fighting and what drives you to tolerate tension is crucial for embracing stress and handling difficult conversations effectively.
Practice with a Supportive Audience:
Begin by being more assertive with someone who is supportive and inclined to hear you out. Avoid jumping straight into high-stakes conflicts. The biggest mistake people make is biting off more than they can chew, leading to overwhelming and negative outcomes. Start small and build confidence by practicing in a safe and friendly environment.
Tackle Low-Stakes Issues First:
Choose a situation that you care about but is relatively low-stakes. This allows you to practice your skills without the pressure of significant consequences. By starting with manageable issues, you can focus on improving your ability to handle difficult conversations while minimizing the risk.
Steve Jobs’s journey with the Macintosh team illustrates the power of distress tolerance and the necessity of embracing productive discomfort for true innovation. As professionals, developing our ability to handle stress and conflict is crucial for success. By embracing discomfort, advocating for our ideas, and growing through challenging experiences, we can learn to approach our work fearlessly.
Good luck out there.
Patrick